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# 9 – 11: The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice writing as A. N. Roquelaure

You must be 18 years of age or older to read this post.  Because boobs.

Here’s the deal.  I’m too damn imaginative to read erotica/porn/romance/Harlequin/bodice rippers/whatever.  All I can think about is “Where is all that sperm going?  There’s so much of it!  How is anyone remaining clean in this book?  Dear lord, the UTIs. That’s going to turn into a bladder infection if you don’t drink some cranberry juice!  And tearing!  Oh god, stop.  Take a shower, rest, and put some ice on your vagina, because girl, you can’t be enjoying this.”

Basically I look like this for most of the book:

Aunt Linda

Where is all that sperm going?

wiig bachmann stare

Seriously, where is it going?

Target

Oh god, WHERE IS ALL THE SPERM GOING???

Or maybe I’m not imaginative enough?  I can’t figure out where that third guy is even standing.  And how big is that bed?  Why isn’t she getting scraped up?    

And then I get really fixated on the female orgasm and if she’d get off from this and maybe some women do and what are the statistics for PIV orgasm and maybe because she’s never had sex and now that she’s experienced her first orgasm all she needs is for the sunlight to hit the wall in just the right way to send her off again.

So yeah. I read the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy:  The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, Beauty’s Punishment and Beauty’s Release.

I sort of remember hearing about these in high school and that they were soooo scandalous and if you read them you were a special kind of sexy/slutty and no one knew where to get them because there was no way you’d buy them in a store and they’d probably all been stolen from the library, but no one bothered to look.  You could get away with reading Forever and Flowers in the Attic, but if you touched these, holy shit, what is wrong with you?

Seriously, we all read the Flowers in the Attic series.  Incest all over the place.  Our parents bough them for us.  THEY BOUGHT THEM FOR US.

I wrote a review for Briar Rose by Robert Coover and a bunch of my friends were disgusted/intrigued and my friend Jenny handed me The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy.  I think it was a dare.  If I could handle monkey on human sexy times, could I handle … what ever the fuck this is?

OK, so… the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy:   

Beauty 1

The Prince wakes up Sleeping Beauty by having sex with her and immediately becomes her Master.  She no longer wears clothes and is forbidden from hiding herself with her hands or hair.  It’s your basic Master/Submissive relationship: only speak when spoken to, always be ready for sex, only do something if it will please the Prince, only think of pleasing the Prince… 

He marches her naked to his castle, stopping at towns so the people can admire her.  She’s strapped up so nothing is hidden from them while I wonder why her feet aren’t all blisters and blood from walking so far.  It’s humiliating  and yet Beauty slowly puts aside her shame because she doesn’t really know anything about how she’s supposed to act and when a Prince, THE Prince tells her this is how things are, you sort of start to believe it.  Stockholm syndrome in a fairy tale.

In the first book, Beauty is taught how to be a slave in the Prince’s castle.  The Queen rules everything, but she loves her son and is willing to forgive his over-attachment to the girl.  There are other slaves for her to learn from and other Lords and Ladies to rule over her.  She quickly learns what to do and how to do it and her shame turns to acceptance and eagerness to fufill her role as slave and make the Prince happy.  Oh, and all the slaves must do everything on hands and knees, from dressing their Master or Mistress to eating and to move from room to room.  And no one has bruises or calluses or joint pain.  Or UTIs.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand here’s my first complaint, other than the copious amount of disappearing sperm.  I don’t care where she shows up, a Mary Sue makes me stabby.  There is nothing worse than a perfect character showing up and doing everything perfectly and making everyone love her and excited about how perfect she is and blah blah blah flowing hair.  Here’s another link if you’re not familiar with the wretched Mary Sue.

Beauty instantly understands what’s she’s supposed to do, even if she doesn’t understand how she’s supposed to do it.  She’s always horny.  She impresses every single person who sees her.  Characters are constantly shocked and thrilled at how pliable she is, yet at the same time maintaining a spark of rebellion that is entirely alluring and a challenge to everyone.  The first time she tries something, she does it perfectly.  The Queen doesn’t like the Prince’s attachment to her, but when she sees her perform one of the S&M rituals (perfectly the first time she tries it), the Queen realizes that Beauty might be the best slave ever and grudgingly admits that she has pleased her.  Everyone loves her immediately.

Including the slave Prince Alexi.  The best male slave.  The Queen’s personal slave.

Oh yeah, all the slaves are Princes and Princesses from neighboring kingdoms.  The Queen sends for them to serve her and the Lords and Ladies because it will teach them how to be good rulers and eventually she sends them back when they’re ready.  Because…spanking?  (I’m not sure how the Lords and Ladies get there.  Somehow they are invited, but not as slaves.  Or they were slaves, but then get to wear clothes and become Masters and Mistresses.)

OK, so Prince Alexi is the most perfect male slave and he and Beauty fall in love even though they can’t talk to each other but eventually he’s able to sneak in to her and they do it a bunch of times and more sperm magically doesn’t cause problems and now she lives to please the Prince and the Queen and the Lords and Ladies and Prince Alexi and gives herself over entirely to the calmness that is spanking and humiliation.

AND THEN she finds out what the threat of Being Sent To The Village means.  She sees the slave Lord Tristan being loaded on the cart to go to the village and she decides, eh, what the fuck, and takes off running and is caught and put on the cart and even though everyone is bound and gagged Lord Tristan manages to hoist her up and they do it while traveling into the village.

End of Book One.

Beauty 2

OK, so now Beauty is in the village and it’s even more humiliating than the castle because there are less rules and more public humiliation.  And once again people think she is the best slave and she’s bought/rented for a good price and lives in a pretty good area and then given to a Captain who is not gross and she gets tied up and there is a giant orgy where she’s the only one servicing everyone and she likes it and gives in to it and once again the calmness over takes her and she loves the feeling of the warm submission AND WHERE IS ALL THE SPERM GOING?

Tristan gets his own chapters now.  He gets to tell his in first person, but Beauty stays in third.  He also becomes a Super Awesome Village Slave of Amazement and craves the punishments.  His master falls in love with him (of course) and Tristan is proud of how well he serves his Master.

And the whole time he and Beauty are in love with each other, and their masters and the role that they’re currently playing.

Oh Beauty.  She loves everything and everyone, but mostly the person she’s currently talking to.  Or who is having sex with her.  Or spanking her.  Or breathing near her.  Or noticing her.  Or once walked by her.  She’s perfect!

SO THEN she and Tristan and and some other Princes and Princesses who were sent to the village get kidnapped and Beauty has honey and fruit put inside of her for Tristan to eat and seriously, honey?  I hope someone cleaned her out afterwards.  She’s bulging with melons.  Seriously, the word “bulging” is used.  And, of course, she loves it and reacts appropriately and everyone loves her.

End of Book Two.

Beauty 3Now Prince Laurent joins Beauty and Tristan as they arrive in the Sultan’s palace across the sea.  (Laurent also gets to speak in the first person.)  Apparently this place is even more insane than the Queen’s castle and village and the slaves are seen as pets that don’t really have full human capabilities, other than to serve.

And Laurent and Tristan and Beauty become The Best pets and things are awesome as they are punished in new and exciting ways.

And then Beauty gets a girl off who has had her clit and most of her labia removed but because Beauty is so awesome she’s able to get a fist inside of her and BOOM! orgasm.

AND THEN she and Laurent and Tristan are rescued and brought back to the village but they don’t want to go because the Sultan’s palace is sooooooooo much better than everywhere else and they love it here because they’re so good at being slaves that the Sultan himself falls in love with Laurent and Tristan and all the Sultan’s wives love Beauty.

At this point in the story, I think so many things have been put inside of Laurent and Tristan’s anuses that there must have been damage done.  Although I don’t really know how the anus works so maybe it just sort of holds things in there and then goes back to its natural shape after?  Shouldn’t there be blood?  I feel like there should be anal bleeding by now.

OK, so they’re back in the village and even though they were miserable about being “rescued” now that they’re back they are once again in love with being slaves here and it’s awesome and people love them and fuck yeah, the village.

AND THEN Beauty is forced to put on clothes and is sent back to her kingdom, shrieking and crying and horrified that she has to wear clothes again and not be spanked and not be a slave anymore.  And then Laurent is brought clothes and sent home to rule and he is furious.

Tristan gets to stay in the village.  Remember how his master there fell in love with him (of course)?  The Queen decided to give him to the guy so he doesn’t return to the palace and this is awesome.

So now we move back to Beauty and she is bored as shit and all these suitors are sent to her and she refuses all of them.  A prince shows up and she makes him her slave for a few minutes and he’s all “This is AWESOME!” but she’s bored because she wants to be a slave and not have one.  He later sneaks across the border into the Queen’s kingdom and is “captured” to become a slave there.  Beauty is a wicked good advertisement for spanking and humiliation.

And then the book ends and I really like how it ended.  I won’t even tell you what happens.  Even though I didn’t like this series (and yet I read the entire thing just to see what would happen) I was pleased at the ending and didn’t feel like I had wasted precious book time.  If it had ended a different way I probably would have raged out even more than I am about the missing sperm.

And they all lived happily ever after.

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